Everything ends. And in the end there’s always so much pain… Sometimes I wonder how it is even possible to get through without losing a part of sanity. Or soul… Every instance of pain hardens me, like blisters from a shovel harden the palms of one’s hands. I’m disintegrating in heartache – never to be assembled in quite the same way. Each time something goes missing – something soft and tender, something of the quality of childhood laughter.
Every following time I encounter pain, another – different – spot of my unsheltered flesh chips off… And I’m left to observe – in astonishment – how former vulnerability transforms into the cold shield of experience. Struggling through pain robs me of yesterday’s precious sensitivity – and I can’t see any longer: did I get stronger or am I just dead inside?
I’m suffering. Well, big surprise – who doesn’t? But how come it seems that I – unlike the many optimistically coupling and striving for closeness – through suffering lose the very ability to love?
Am I just dead inside?
Who killed me? And why?
Posted in meditations
Tagged pain
Here’s a soothing news for those of you who have been stuck in cold offices all winter long: at times my trip through South East Asia has been a phenomenal pain in the ass! There were things now and then that made me deeply miserable. It took some serious guts and a very developed inner beach bum to step over some of the following… Continue reading →
Ok, I couldn’t possibly avoid making a follow-up list, could I? I mean if you know me at all, you probably expected an Excel spread-sheet with pie charts and stuff. However after months of spiritual search, I’ve mastered the art of self-control – so you are spared of complex statistical analysis and visual representation of data in 3D. Lucky you!
Instead, I’m posting couple über-basic lists: what I loved and what I hated about my travels. Today’s high five is warm and fuzzy – it’s about the things that rocked. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s edition though – there will be some nasty, dangerous and dramatically stupid stuff there!
So, in the past 6 months I absolutely loved… Continue reading →
After the tragic death of my beloved camera phone, my new best friend, Sony’s Cybershot W530, traveled with me through Laos, Cambodia and Thailand. I probably could have been more impressed with the zoom and panorama mode, but wide (and I mean: w—i—d—e) shots and macros turned out contrasty, colorful and beautifully crisp. This is absolutely, totally, one billion percent the best point-and-shoot I ever owned!
Carl Zeiss forever!
Note: all images are hand-held and taken in the basic ‘intelligent auto’ mode. Continue reading →
Khmer village house
It didn’t occur to me to compair Laos to Thailand on any level other than culinary. Ok, I have also made a mental note that north of Mekong they drive on the proper side of the road. Other than that, the two countries – though unique in their own ways – seemed to flow one into the other quite seamlessly. Cambodia, on the other hand, strikes me as a completely different kind of South East Asia.
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A sign at Bangkok's Rambutri Road
This blog was supposed to be real-time-ish. Not day-to-day by any means – there was still actual travelling to be done, actual people to be met and actual alcohol to be consumed – but something on a “this is where I was hungover last week” basis. And I was keeping it together up to the last month of my trip. Then something happened: back in Kiev my rented apartment got sold, so I had to cut my trip short and return to pack up shitload of my earthly possessions. Think furniture, domestic appliances, and enough footwear to equip a little army – if the said army elected to march on in high-heal sandals, size 5.
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Si Phan Don – an area in the southern-most part of Laos – is said to have 4000 islands. Not that I counted, but somehow I doubt these numbers are accurate. One can see why Laotians would be tempted to exaggerate: theirs is a pretty, but landlocked country – and islands are to tourism what World Cup screening rights are to FIFA: a golden cow. Regardless whether it’s thousands or hundreds, the islands are picturesque, laid-back and typically rural: grazing water buffaloes, slowly-gliding narrow boats, smiley bare-bummed kids… Continue reading →
If you were wondering which is the world’s most boring capital, look no further! Laos has more than a fair share of scenic, fascinating, eye-popping destination, but the nation’s city #1 ain’t no one of them. Lonely Planet offered that Vientiane doesn’t show its beauty quite as readily as Luang Prabang. More like never. Continue reading →
En route from beautiful Luang Prabang to boring Vientiane, there’s a little town called Vang Vieng. Here a stunning natural backdrop of limestone cliffs and mountainous rivers is at conflict with a characterless, overly touristic inner part – so very similar to Phi Phi. Or another Thai parallel: it is what would happen to Pai, if it chose to turn into Phuket. In short, it’s cheesier than American cheddar. Continue reading →
Luang Prabang – if that doesn’t sound exotic, I don’t know what does. I am not quite sure what I expected it to be, but I was convinced it would be different from anything I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t have been more wrong!
The first thing that strikes me about the town is a weird sense of recognition… Continue reading →
